As the door slams shut and you are left standing alone it can be difficult to see the positives of your current situation.
Whether you are going through a separation, divorce or have been made redundant there is likely to be a sense of great loss. Love, self-worth, your sense of identity and your finances may all be hanging in the balance.
Transition is not an easy period to go through. You may be experiencing a whole range of emotions including: hurt, sadness, anger, grief, regret, frustration. These are all normal responses.
However, believe it or not, this could actually be the start of something new and possibly, even better for you; but it’s likely to take some time.
New beginnings are often disguised as painful endings
6 tips to help ease the discomfort of transition
- Acknowledge your feelings
Identify the different emotions you are experiencing; rejection, hurt, betrayal, guilt, anger etc. Sit with them for a little while and see what they are telling you. Notice, acknowledge but don’t stay too long that you wallow in them.
Observe the physical sensations too. Are your muscles tense? Is your jaw clenched? Is there a knot in your stomach or tightness in your chest? If so, start doing some regular breathing and relaxation exercises. Sometimes releasing the physical tension in your body can help you let go of the emotional tension too. I find a walk is always good for releasing tension.
- Accept the situation
Take a look at what’s actually going on. Is there a way you can change or rectify the situation? (For example, relationship counselling?). If not, then accept the situation for what it is so that you can allow yourself to move on.
Reflect on the role you played in the situation. This can be uncomfortable but it helps to raise your awareness so you can change your behaviours going forwards where appropriate. For example, did you tolerate poor behaviour or allow someone to push your boundaries? Did you prioritise work over your partner all of the time?
- Respond rather than react
When you are talking about or to a person who is involved in the situation it can be easy to be triggered. If you feel yourself starting to experience a strong emotion or reaction take a moment to pause and consider your options. Behave in a way that you won’t regret later. This is where learning some mindfulness techniques can helpful.
- Be gentle with yourself
These situations are a form of trauma and you should give yourself some space and time to heal. There is no point in playing the ‘what if’ game. It wastes your precious energy. Be compassionate with yourself and listen to what you need. Maybe that’s time away for a few days or to chat to a trusted friend. Maybe it’s taking care of yourself physically – getting a good amount of sleep and eating well.
- Seek support
Find a counsellor or coach to help you process what you are experiencing and create a way forward. Talk to a trusted friend or colleague about what you are going through. Sharing about how you feel with someone can help you to not feel alone. However, choose the person wisely. This person should be someone who will listen non-judgementally and be supportive without telling you what you should do. Perhaps you could also look up a support group (either in person or online).
- SWOT up
When the initial shock has passed and things are starting to settle a little it can be worth doing a SWOT analysis on yourself and the situation.
S – Strengths. What are your strengths and skills that you can draw upon here?
W – Weaknesses. What areas of your life could you do with changing or improving?
O – Opportunities. What are the opportunities and options that are open to you now that perhaps weren’t previously?
T – Threats. What could knock you off course?
Starting over can be a great opportunity to re-evaluate your life and consider what you actually want. What things would you like to be different? How would you like to lead your life, what type of lifestyle?
Think about the type of partner or job you would like to attract.
- What would you need to do or who do you need to become to get what you want?
- Would you date you at the moment?
- Would you employ you at the moment?
Despite it looking or feeling a bit bleak now, there is light at the end of the tunnel and you get to choose where the tunnel comes out.
As one door closes another door opens.
Working with a coach can be a supportive and empowering way to move forward. Arrange a free Discovery Call to discuss how we could work together to discover your new future.